he loves me, and that's all that matters
POSTED ON: Monday, 8 June 2015 @ 08:01 | 0 comments
Today, I was sitting in the car with mummy, waiting for my dad to finish shoppingI was scrolling through instagram, showing mummy the different friends I have
then out-of-habit, I went to check kevin's instagram
my mum suddenly called my name, and started a conversation with me about how I must behave myself
(we were speaking in mandarine, but well this is the gist of it)
she was talking about how she noticed that I was crazily in love with Kevin, and how she is worried for me, because she doesn't want me to be that crazy girl who chases after her boyfriend
she mentioned that everybody was telling her how it was so obvious that I am an obsessive girlfriend, obsessed over my boyfriend
my relatives
my ex-colleagues
her friends
basically everybody was telling her
and finally she said something along the lines of
"stop it. don't be so crazy. why are you so crazy over him, he also isn't that crazy about you, don't put yourself in a disadvantage. later people don't want you anymore"
how did my mum put it?
"你不要一直缠着他不放 ley，等一下他厌倦了就不要你了"
is that true?
am I really crazy?
我有一直缠着他吗？
am I putting myself too out there? too readily available? too 'crazy', according to my mum?
she also said something like
"爱情像一个 rubber band, 如果你一直拉，一直拉而不放的话，有很多 tension, 它就会断"
roughly translating to:
love is like a rubber band. If you keep pulling it until it has too much tension, it will break
am I too obsessive?
am I bothering kevin too much?
that got me thinking
(overthinking, maybe..)
do I really love him more than he loves me?
isn't it just the case of a difference in the way we express our love for each other?
true, the way I express my love for kevin is different from the way he expresses his love for me
I express it outwardly through affectionate words and physical touch
but he expresses it inwardly through acts of service and quality time!
that doesn't mean he doesn't love me as much, right?
how do you even measure how much you love someone, and whether s/he love you as much as you love them?
doesn't this go back to trust?
the basis of every relationship?
the trust that your love loves you as much as you love him
the trust that the love you have for each other can pull through anything
the trust for your love, your partner, your one and only?
after a short phone call and many texts with kevin tonight
I still don't know whether who loves who more
I still don't know whether I am bothering him too much or not
but I know one thing for sure:
he loves me.
and that's all that matters.
-[chi ling]-
I trust you
I believe in you
I love you
